Awkward Introduction

I've been with my current company for over a year and I just got transferred to a different department. I was about to join my new team again so I figured I would try to connect with each member of the team. I thought I would engage with them. Stepping into the office production area, I saw unfamiliar faces that I assumed to be my new teammates. They were all looking at their computers setting up their tools and others looked busy doing other stuff or talking to other people. The plan that I made suddenly went out the window.

 I wasn't specific of the approach that I would be taking to connect with them. So I just found a station where I can set up my tools and that's it. There wasn't any introduction or interaction like what I thought would happen. I tried to talk to the person behind me and asked beforehand if he could help me with the process once I have a contact later on. He agreed but a few minutes later he found other available station and moved to be near his friends. 

 I didn't have access to all the tools on my first day so I spent the entire shift not doing much stuff and just tried to observe. I asked the two guys near me to let me know once they have contacts so I could watch and observe. Once they had contacts, I watched but didn’t really say much because I wasn't familiar with the process yet. In short, the entire shift went on with transactional interactions with few teammates and no connection really happened. 

 Before the shift ends, there was a virtual meeting where we got to introduce ourselves. Our manager asked for volunteer and nobody wanted to go first so I volunteered. In my head, I really just wanted to get it over with. Prior to that, I have also prepared an introduction a day earlier because I knew we would be given the opportunity to introduce ourselves. 

 I thought I would share three things about me that would give them hints of the real me - my dream, my struggle and the future that I want to have. I’ve had superficial relationships all my life and at that time I was determined to tell them who I really am. There was a format for the introduction. Out of the three things that I prepared, only one fit in the four parts of the introduction.

 I contemplated that if I squeezed all those three things into that one part, my teammates would think that I’m too full of myself. So I figured to just pitch my dream. I kind of downplayed it because that part was about "What are your interests". Instead of saying I want to be an author and speaker, I said I’m interested in writing and speaking. 

After I finish my introduction, my manager asked if I have other things to share. I wasn't sure why but my mouth was quick to take opportunity and said ”yes”. Though hesitant with what I was about to say, I shared my struggle in socializing with people. And continued that I would appreciate if they can help me socialize better. My manager acknowledged and advised the team to try to help me to interact. My teammates were silent and gave blank faces like they didn’t want to engage in such conversation. I could feel the awkwardness of trying to reach out and nobody is responding. 

Overall, I was pleased with how my day went. It was far from what I had envisioned of interacting with my teammates and getting to know them. But looking back, I like the fact that I volunteered to go first, I finally talked about my interest in writing and speaking and I opened up about my social struggle. It wasn’t a comfortable experience but I would say that trying to share real parts of me was worth the discomfort.